Life Positive and More

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on. At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated , "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon." In response to Bill's comments , General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part, esp 7th point): 1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day. 2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car. 3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continu...

It was autumn, and the Red Indians on the remote reservation asked their New Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a Red Indian chief in a modern society, he couldn't tell what the weather was going to be. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his Tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared. But also being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked "Is the coming winter going to be cold?" "It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed," the meteorologist at the weather service responded. So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more Wood. A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. "Is it Going to be a very cold winter?" "Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, ...

A Red Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other. He says to the waiter, 'Me want coffee.' The waiter says, 'Sure chief, coming right up...' He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee, and the Indian drinks it down in one gulp, picks up the bucket of manure, throws it into the air, blasts it with the shotgun, then just walks out. The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other.. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, 'Me want coffee..' The waiter says, 'Whoa, Tonto! We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What the heck was all that about, anyway?' The Indian smiles and proudly says, 'Me training for top management position: Come in, drink coffee, shoot some crap,leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day' -- ====Read inspiring small stories at my website at http://www.lifeplan.co.nr ...

TO: Microsoft Technical Support, I  am  desperate for some help. I recently upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife  1.0. I found that the new program began giving unexpected errors. It automatically  took  up a lot of space and valuable resources. This wasn't mentioned  in  the product brochure. In addition Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Boys Night Out 2.5, and Cricket 5.3 no longer run and crash  the system whenever selected. Attempting to operate Saturday Sports Bar  6.3  always  fails  but Saturday Shopping 7.1 runs instead. I Can not seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background whilst attempting to run any of my favorite applications. I am thinking about installing Girlfriend 8.0 but unable to uninstall Wife 1.0 after hundred of unsuccessful attempts. It seems uninstall failed to work at all on this new s...

One day while walking down the street a highly successful Human Resources Manager was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself. "Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had a Human Resources Manager make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you." "No problem, just let me in," said the woman. "Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in." "Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman "Sorry, we have rules..." And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell. The doors opened and s...

  Our communication - Wireless Our dress - Topless Our telephone - Cordless Our cooking - Fireless Our youth - Jobless Our religion - Creedless Our food - Fatless Our faith - GODless Our labour - Effortless Our conduct - Worthless Our relation - Loveless Our attitude - Careless Our feelings - Heartless Our politics - Clueless Our education - Valueless Our follies - Countless Our arguments - Baseless Our Job - Thankless Our Salary - Very less -- ====Read inspiring small stories at my website at http://www.lifeplan.co.nr  .You can also SUBSCRIBE FREE at the website so that new stories will reach automatically to your mailbox. ====

When I Asked God for Strength           He Gave Me Difficult Situations to Face           When I Asked God for Brain & Brown           He Gave Me Puzzles in Life to Solve           When I Asked God for Happiness           He Showed Me Some Unhappy People           When I Asked God for Wealth           He Showed Me How to Work Hard           When I Asked God for Favors           He Showed Me Opportunities to Work Hard           When I Asked God for Peace           He Showed Me How to Help Others           God Gave Me Nothing I Wanted           He Gave Me Everything I Needed                                         -- Swami Vivekananda. -- ====Read inspiring small stories at my website at http://www.lifeplan.co.nr  .You can also SUBSCRIBE FREE at the website so that new stories will reach automatically to your mailbox. ====