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12 Tips from Employees to Managers

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1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 5:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
2. If it's really a "rush job," run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it's going. That helps.
3. Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.
4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books or supplies, don't open the door for me. I need to learn how to perform miracles routinely and opening doors with my teeth is excellent training.
5. If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is the priority. Let me guess.
6. Do your best to keep me late. I like the office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do.
7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. Leaks like that could cost me a promotion.
8. If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversation.
9. If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down. If fact, save them until the job is almost done.
10. Never introduce me to the people you're with. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.
11. Be nice to me only when the job I'm doing for you could really change your life.
12. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it's nice to know someone is less fortunate.

COOL INSULTS FOR IMMEDIATE USE:

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1. Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental!
2. Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion?
3. As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?
4. I'd like to kick you in the teeth, but why should I improve your looks?
5. At least there's one Thing good about your body.It isn't as ugly as your face!
6. Brains aren't everything. In fact, in your case they're nothing.
7. Careful now, don't let your brains go to your head!
8. I like you. People say I've no taste, but I like you.
9. Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?
10. If I had a face like yours. I'd sue my parents!
11. Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent!
12. Don't get insulted, but is your job devoted to spreading Ignorance?
13. Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent!
14. Don't you love nature, despite what it did to you?
15. Don't think, it may sprain your brain!
16. Fellows like you don't grow from trees; they swing from them.
17. He has a mechanical mind. Too bad he forgot to wind it up this morning.
18. He has a mind like a Steel trap -- always closed!
19. You are a man of the world -- and you know what sad shape the world is in.
20. He is always lost in thought -- it's unfamiliar territory. 21. He is dark and handsome. When it's dark, he's handsome. 22. He is known as a miracle comic. if he's funny, it's a miracle!
23. He is listed in Who's Who as What's That?
24. He is living proof that man can live without a brain!
25. He is so short, when it rains he is always the last one to know.
26. He is the kind of a man that you would use as a blueprint to Build an idiot.
27. How come you're here? I thought the zoo is closed at night!
28. How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?
29. How much refund do you expect on your head now that it's empty.
30. How would you like to feel the way you look?
31. Hi! I'm a human being! What are you?
32. I can't talk to you right now; tell me,where will you be in the next 10 years?
33. I don't want you to turn the other cheek; it's just as ugly.
34. I don't know who u are, but whatever you are, I'm sure everyone will agree with me.
35. I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works.
36. I could make a monkey out of you, but why should I take all the credit?
37. I can't seem to remember your name, and please don't help me!
38. I don't even like the people you're trying to imitate, if you are at all.
39. I know you were born silly, but why did you have a relapse?
40. I know you're a self-made man. It's nice of you to take the blame!
41. I know you're not as stupid as you look. Nobody could be!
42. I've seen people like you, but I had to pay admission!
43. Why are you so stupid today? Anyway, I think that's very typical of you.

moral story

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A woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods।
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap।
The frog told her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes।"
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes। Whatever you wish for, your husband will get it ten times!"
The woman said, "That's okay।" For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world। The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to"। The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me।" So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world! For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world। The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world। And he will be ten times richer than you। " The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine।" So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she thought for a moment and answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack!"

Moral of the story: Women are clever। Don't mess with them!

Attention female readers:
This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good!

Male readers: Please scroll






The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife!!!
Moral of the story: Women always think that they're really smart!
PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!

Some Important Laws Which Newton Forgot to State

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LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now। **********
LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one।**********
LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch।**********
LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner। **********
LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire।**********
BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings।**********
LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with।**********
LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will! **********


LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach। **********
THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last।**********

LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold।
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