November 29, 2009

Appraisal letter : with encryption.. ...

Dear Manager (HR),

Vicky, my assistant programmer, can always be found

Hard at work in his cubicle. Vicky works independently, without

Wasting company time talking to colleagues. Vicky never

Thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always

Finishes given assignments on time. Often Vicky takes extended

Measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee

Breaks. Vicky is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no

Vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound

Knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Vicky can be

Classed as a high-calibre employee, the type which cannot be

Dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Vicky be

Promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be

Sent away as soon as possible.


Signed - Project Leader





NB: That stupid idiot was reading over my shoulder when I wrote the report

Sent to you earlier today. Kindly read only the odd lines (1, 3, 5, 7, 9,11, 13)

For my true assessment of him.

November 22, 2009

Corporate Teaching of Chanakya

"A person should not be too honest.
Straight trees are cut first and Honest people are victimised first."

Even if a snake is not poisonous,
it should pretend to be venomous."

The biggest guru-mantra is: Never share your secrets with anybody. ! It will destroy you."

There is some self-interest behind every RELATIONSHIP.
There is no relationship without self-interests.
This is a bitter truth." 
Before you start some work, always ask yourself three questions - Why am I doing it, What the results might be and Will I be successful. Only when you think deeply and find satisfactory answers to these questions, go ahead."

As soon as the fear approaches near, attack and destroy it."

Once you start working on something,
don't be afraid of failure and
don't abandon it.
People who work sincerely are the happiest."

"The fragrance of flowers spreads
only in the direction of the wind.
But the goodness of a person spreads in all direction."

November 19, 2009

reverse order

Paste this code in your browser's address bar and hi enter and see the magic:

javascript:function flood(n) {if ( self.moveBy) {for (i = 15; i > 0; i--){for (j = n; j > 0; j--){self.moveBy(1,i);self.moveBy(i,0);self.moveBy(0,-i);self.moveBy(-i,0); } } }} flood(6);{ var inp = " inos  morf ,ecnavda ni  0102 RAEY WEN YPPAH ,iH"; var outp = ""; for (i = 0; i <= inp.length; i++) {outp = inp.charAt (i) + outp ; } alert(outp) ;}; reverse

And PAPPU got passed


     TEACHER : What is the chemical formula for water?
     PAPPU : "HIJKLMNO ! "!!

     TEACHER : What are you talking about?
     PAPPU : Yesterday you said it's H to O !


     TEACHER : PAPPU, go to the map and find North America.
     PAPPU : Here it is!

     TEACHER : Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?


     TEACHER : PAPPU, how do you spell "crocodile"?
     PAPPU : "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"

     TEACHER : No, that's wrong
     PAPPU : Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!


     TEACHER : PAPPU, give me a sentence starting with "I".
     PAPPU : I is...

     TEACHER : No, PAPPU. Always say, "I am."
     PAPPU : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."


     TEACHER : "Can anybody give an example of " COINCIDENCE?"

     PAPPU : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same


     TEACHER : "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry
tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't
punish him?"

     PAPPU : "Because George still had the axe in his hand?"


     PAPPU : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
     FATHER : No. Why do you ask that?
     PAPPU: Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?


     TEACHER : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green
and one is blue with red spots !

     PAPPU: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair just like that
at home.


     TEACHER : Now, PAPPU, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating

     PAPPU: No sir, I don't have to , my mom is a good cook.


     TEACHER : PAPPU, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as
yourbrother's. Did you copy his ?

     PAPPU: No, teacher, it's the same dog !


     TEACHER : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people
are no longer interested?

     PAPPU: A teacher


November 15, 2009

Decide the Gender of a computer

A French teacher was explaining to her college class that in French, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

House is feminine "la maison." Pencil is masculine "Le crayon."


A student asked, "What gender is computer ?"

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups male and female - and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

Each group was asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.


The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender (la computer) because:

1.. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2.. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3.. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later review; and
4.. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay cheque on accessories for it.


The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine Le computer) because:
1.. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2.. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3.. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4.. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

November 09, 2009

7 reasons not to mess with children.

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or
unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer,
she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would
run into it, and I would turn red in the face."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run
into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted,
"Cause your feet ain't empty."

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for
lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted
on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE . God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate
chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
It doesn't matter how many people you send this to, just remember if it made you
laugh, your friends will laugh

November 04, 2009

Corporate Fundas of Asking for marriage

1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to  her and say: "I am very rich.  "Marry me!" - That's Direct Marketing... "

 2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a  gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: "He's very rich. "Marry him." -That's Advertising. .."

3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say: "Hi, I'm very rich. "Marry me - That's Telemarketing. .."

4. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car)"Marry Me?" - That's Public Relations... "

5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says:"You are very rich!
"Can you marry ! me?" - That's Brand Recognition. .."

6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. - "That's Customer Feedback..."

7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband. - "That's demand and supply gap..."

8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tell her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?" and she goes with him - "That's competition eating into your market share..."

 9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: "I'm rich, Marry me!" your wife arrives. - "That's restriction for entering new markets..."

Written by a 90 year old...the 45 lessons life taught me.

This is something we should all read at least once...