March 22, 2009

More Fun ....with Brain

William's wife started noticing how forgetful he wasbecoming. Being the concerned wife, she convincedhim to see a doctor. William was a little worriedwhen the doctor came in. Sensing his patient'snervousness, the first thing the doctor did was toask what was troubling him.
"Well," William answered. "I seem to be getting forgetful.I'm never sure I can remember where I put the car, orwhether I answered a letter, or where I'm going, orwhat it is I'm going to do once I get there, if I get there.So, I really need your help. What can I do?"
The doctor thought for a moment, then answeredin his kindest tone, "Pay me in advance."
Two hunters, Paul and Kurt, were in a lodge, making small talk. Paul asked Kurt, "So, what do you hunt?"
Kurt answered "I hunt unicorns."
Paul was startled, but said "Really? How do you do that?"
Kurt replied, "I find a virgin and hire her to help me. The virgin sits around in the woods until a unicorn comes to her. When it does, it sets off a snare."
Paul said, "Boy, they must be hard to find. I've heard of them, but I've never seen one."
Kurt said, "Yeah, and there aren't many unicorns around, either!"

Surgical Beauty
Irving was just coming out of anesthesia after a series of tests in the hospital, and his wife, Sarah, was sitting at his bedside. His eyes fluttered open, and he murmured, "You're beautiful."
Flattered, Sarah continued her vigil while he drifted back to sleep. Later he woke up and said, "You're cute."
"What happened to 'beautiful'?" Sarah asked.
"I guess the drugs must be wearing off," he replied.

"Doctor's Referral"
A patient was waiting nervously in theexamination room of a famous specialist.
"So who did you see before coming to me?"asked the doctor.
"My local General Practitioner."
"Your GP?" scoffed the doctor. "What a wasteof time. Tell me, what sort of useless advicedid he give you?"
"He told me to come and see you."
The shipwrecked mariner had spent severalyears on a deserted island. Then one morninghe was thrilled to see a ship offshore anda smaller vessel pulling out toward him.
When the boat grounded on the beach, theofficer in charge handed the marooned sailora bundle of newspapers and told him, "Thecaptain said to read through these and letus know if you still want to be rescued."

16 THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME OVER XX YEARS TO LEARN: ]1। Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night। 2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings." 3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness." 4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. 5. You should not confuse your career with your life. 6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. 7. Never lick a steak knife. 8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip. 9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time. 10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment. 11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven. 12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers. 13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.) 14. Your friends love you anyway. 15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic. 16. Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.


An octogenarian, who was an avid golfer, moved to a new town and joined the local Country Club. He went to the Club for the first time to play, but was told that there wasn't anybody he could play with because they were already out on the course. He repeated several times that he really wanted to play today.
Finally, the assistant Pro said he would play with him and asked him how many strokes he wanted for a bet. The 80-year-old said, "I really don't need any strokes as I have been playing quite well. The only real problem I have, is getting out of sand traps."
And he did play well. Coming to the par four 18th, they were all even. The Pro had a nice drive and was able to get on the green and two-putt for a par. The old man had a nice drive, but his approach shot landed in a sand trap next to the green. Playing from the bunker he hit a high ball, which landed on the green and rolled into the cup. Birdie, match and all the money!
The Pro walked over to the sand trap where his opponent was still standing in the trap. He said: "Nice shot, but I thought you said you have a problem getting out of sand traps?"
Replied the octogenarian, "I do, would you please give me a hand?"

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and Krispy Crème Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?"
And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.
And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure tat Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them.
And Woman went from size 6 to size 14. So God said, "Try my fresh green salad."
And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.
God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them."
And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.
God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake," and said, "It is good."
Satan then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food."
God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those extra pounds.
And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.
Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition.
And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.
God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite.
And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?"
And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!"
And Satan said, "It is good."
And Man went into cardiac arrest.
God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
Then Satan created HMOs.

Fwd: scratch ur heads..

Questions asked by P&G while recruiting at IIM-B. Tell me how do u like it
1. There is one word in the English language that is always pronounced incorrectly. What is it?
2. A man gave one son 10 cents and another son was given 15 cents. What time is it?
3. A boat has a ladder that has six rungs, each rung is one foot apart. The bottom rung is one foot from he water.
The tide rise! ! s at 12 inches every 15 minutes. High tide peaks in one hour. When the tide is at it's highest, how many rungs are under water?
4. There is a house with four walls. Each wall faces south. There is a window in each wall. A bear walks by one of the windows. What color is the bear?
5. Is half of two plus two equal to two or three?
6. There is a room.! The shutters are blowing in. There is broken glass on the floor. There is water on the floor. You find Sloppy dead on the floor. Who is Sloppy? How did Sloppy die?
7. How much dirt would be in a hole 6 feet deep and 6 feet wide that has been dug with a square edged shovel?
8. If I were in Hawaii and dropped a bowling ball in a bucket of water which is 45! degrees F, and dropped another ball of the same weight, mass, and size in a bucket at 30 degrees F, both of them at the same time, which ball would hit the bottom of the bucket first? Same question, but the location is in Canada?
9. What is the significance of the following: The year is 1978, thirty-four minutes past noon! on May 6th.
10. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in the center field?
11. What is it that goes up and goes down but does not move?

Scroll down for answers............

1. The word "incorrectly."
2. 1:45. The man gave away a total of 25 cents. He divided it between two people. Therefore, he gave a quarter to two.
3. None, the boat rises with the tide. Googly ;-)
4. White. If all the walls face south, the house is at the North pole, and the bear, therefore, is a polar bear.
5. Three. Well, it seems that it could almost be either, but if you follow the mathematical orders of operation, division is performed before addition. So... half of two is one. Then add two, and the answer is three.
6. Sloppy is a (gold)fish. The wind blew the shutters in, which knocked his goldfish-bowl off the table, and it broke, killing him.
7. None. No matter how big a hole is, it's still a hole: the absence of dirt.
8. Both questions, same answer: the ball in the bucket of 45 degree F water hits the bottom of the bucket last. Did you think that the water in the 30 degree F bucket is frozen? Think again. The question said nothing about that bucket having anything in it. Therefore, there is no water(or ice) to slow the ball down...
9. The time and month/date/year American style calendar are 12:34, 5/6/78.
10. One. If he combines all of his haystacks, they all become one big stack.
11. The temperature.

How True...............

A cigarette shortens your life by 2 min॥

A beer shortens your life by 4 min॥

A working day shortens your life by 8 hours!!!!॥

Written by a 90 year old...the 45 lessons life taught me.

This is something we should all read at least once...