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Dilbert's one liners..

 Here are some nice Dilbert's one liners…..

 1. I say no to alcohol, it just doesn't listen. 

2. A friend in need is a pest indeed.

3. Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.

4. Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time.

5. When everything comes in your way you're in the wrong lane.

6. The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train.

7. Born free, taxed to death.

8. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.

9. Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.

10. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking. J

11. If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.

12. It's not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.

13. I love being a writer... what I can't stand is the paperwork.

14. A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.

15. The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.

16. The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.

17. In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?

18. If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?

19. Beat the 5 O'clock rush, leave work at noon!

20. If you can't convince them, confuse them.

21. It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.

22. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

23. Hot glass looks same as cold glass. - Cunino's Law of Burnt Fingers

24. The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.

25. Someday is not a day of the week

26. Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.

27. To Err is human, to forgive is not a Company policy.

28. The road to success.... Is always under construction.

29. Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.

30. In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.

31. All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive, fattening or married

GOAN LIFE...............

A boat docked in a tiny Goan village. A tourist from Mumbai complimented the Goan fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them. 
'Not very long,' answered the fisherman. 

'But then, why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?' asked the Mumbaite. 
The Goan fisherman explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family. 
The Mumbaite asked, 'But what do you do with the rest of your time?' 
'I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and take a siesta with my wife. In the evenings, I go into the village to see my friends, play guitar, sing a few songs... I have a full life.' 
The Mumbaite interrupted, 'I have an MBA from IIM-A, and I can help you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat.' 
'And after that?' asked the Goan. 
'With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can then negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Panjim, or even Mumbai. From there you can direct your huge new enterprise.' 
'How long would that take?' asked the Goan. 
'Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years,' replied the Mumbaite. 
'And after that?' 
'Afterwards? Well my Friend, That's when it gets really interesting,' chuckled the Mumbaite, 'When your business gets really big, you can start selling stocks and make millions!' 
'Millions? Really? And after that?' asked the Goan. 
'After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a siesta with your wife and spend your evenings doing what you like with your buddies.' 
'With all due respect sir, but that's exactly what I am doing now. So what's the point wasting 25 years?' asked the Goan. 
And the moral of the story is? Know where you're going in life. You may already be there. 
Life in the present world is indeed a rat race. Many who have good qualifications too do not know where they are going in life. 

LANGARS:Must read even if you are not a Sikh.



Hi everybody,
I thought I will share this e-mail about the Golden Temple in Amritsar, Punjab, India, with you. It is just amazing how devoted the volunteers are to serve in various capacities, and especially to serve freshly cooked meals to the thousands of devotees around the clock, day to day, week to week, month to month and all year round. That is not all. The volunteers are  the main work force sustaining the temple in perpetuity.
  
I was very impressed by this e-mail forwarded to me by a Parsi friend.  It is about the Langar (Community Kitchen) at Gurdwara where thousands of people are fed every day.  What an excellent organization and devoted volunteers.  I am sure you know all about it.  Some one has made a documentary out of it.

The Power of Devotion
some eye-opening facts:   



Above :The spectacular Golden Temple of Amritsar
For a moment, if one pushes the religious fact aside, 
it is no ordinary feat to serve a meal to thousands of people in a day and that too round-the-clock.




Forty to fifty thousand people, on an average, partake of langar every day at Harmandar Sahib. 
"On Sundays, festival days and Masya, the number exceeds 1 lakh," says Jathedar Harpinder Singh, 
who is in charge of the langar. 




Serving such a huge gathering is not an easy task. But, the devotion and selfless service of the 
sewadars makes the job simple. 




"We have 300 permanent sewadars who work at the langar. They knead dough, cook food, serve people and perform a number of other jobs. Also, there are a good number of volunteers, both men and women, who work in kitchen and langar hall. 
They also wash and wipe the utensils. 
"In the washing hall we have four sewadars to supervise the work," adds Harpinder Singh.




Of course, an elaborate arrangement is in place to cook and serve food at such a large scale.




The langar at Harmandar Sahib is prepared in two kitchens, which have 11 hot plates (tawi), several burners, machines for sieving and kneading dough and several other utensils. 
At one tawi, 15 people work at a time. It is a chain process - some make balls of dough, others roll rotis, a few put them on the tawi and rest cook 
and collect them. 




It is all done so meticulously that one is surprised to see that on one hot plate, in just two hours, over 20 kg of flour is used to make rotis. The kitchen also has a roti-making machine, which was donated by a Lebanon-based devotee. 
The machine is, however, used only on days that are likely to witness huge crowds. 
The machine can make rotis of 20-kg flour in 
just half-an-hour. To get the flour, there are two machines in the basement of the langar hall and another that kneads one quintal of flour in just 
five minutes. It is this fine team of man and 
machine that makes it possible for the 
gurdwara to provide 24-hour langar on all days. 






Chapati Machine 

But, what about putting together the raw material?




"About 50-quintal wheat, 18-quintal daal, 14-quintal rice and seven quintal milk is the daily consumption in the langar kitchen. We have utensils that can store up to seven quintal of cooked daal and kheer at a time," says assistant in-charge Kanwaljeet Singh. 
Items needed in langar are bought in huge quantities from Delhi . The purchase mainly includes pulses, while other every day requirements are met from 
the local market. A stock of all items is 
maintained for two months, he adds. 






British Foreign Minister, Jack Straw, makes chapatis at the langar 
hall of Golden Temple during his visit - ANI photo




"Desi Ghee comes from Verka Milk Plant in the city. 
Also, the devotees make donations. In a day we receive, over eight quintals of sugar and seven quintals of dal. Often, people also donate money in langar funds. 
For instance, we recently received a donation of 
Rs 2 lakh from a devotee who wanted to bear all 
langar expenses for a day ," says in-charge 
Harpinder Singh. 
"Besides dal-roti, kheer and karah prasad is 
prepared on alternate days. On an average, seven 
quintals of milk and an equal quantity of rice is 
needed to prepare kheer. On festive occasions, 
we also distribute jalebis.

Every day over 100 gas cylinders are needed to fuel the kitchen. For making tea, 6 quintals of sugar and 20 kg of tea leaf are consumed," adds Kanwaljeet. 



Early morning meditation at the Harmandir Sahib




But, all this wouldn't have been possible without the grace of Waheguru: "Loh langar tapde rahin" (may the hot plates of the langar remain ever in service) are the words that every devotee says in his prayers at the gurdwara. 
At a time, over 3,000 people are served on the two 
floors of the hall. 
Everyone is welcome at the darbar to share the meal, 
with no distinction of caste or religion.




The Sikh practice of 'Guru ka langar' was strengthened by Guru Amar Das, the third Sikh guru. Even Emperor Akbar, 
it is said, had to take langar with the common people 
before he could meet Guru Amar Das. 
Langar or community kitchen was designed to 
uphold the principle of equality between all 
people regardless of religion, caste, colour, 
creed, age, gender or social status.

In addition to the ideals of equality, the tradition of langar also aimed to express the ethics of sharing and oneness of all humankind.


Langar Being Served
On the other hand, following the principle of division of labour, the sewadars in the hall make sure that sangat gets the complete meal, from pickle to rice and dal. The whole thing is highly organised - from arranging the material to cooking and then serving. 
After eating, the utensils are collected in one part of 
the hall in huge bins from where they are taken 
away for washing. Once cleaned, the dishes are 
quickly but neatly stacked in huge, wheeled storage 
bins, ready to be used again for the next sitting.  

Aashima Seth Captured on film the Belgian film makers, Valerie Berteau and Philippe Witjes, and were so impressed with the langar at the Darbar Sahib that they made a documentary film on it. 
Entitled Golden Kitchen, the film has impressed audiences at numerous film festivals in Europe. On June 6 this year, it was adjudged 'Outstanding' at the Festival of Short Films organised at the New York Museum of Modern Art. 
Critics have praised the film for bringing out the beauty of what is for western audiences "an endeavour that is remarkable in scale, the clockwork efficiency with which the kitchen is organised and the fact that all the people manning the kitchen are volunteers who are inspired to undertake the heavy labour by their religious convictions." 
IN THE SERVICE around 3,000 people are served meals at a go. It wouldn't be possible without sewadars, who look for no return except 
Wahegurus blessings.

Fwd: Fw: Amazing Power Of Love !!!


this made me realise....what love can do...




A Boy Singing to his little sister.....


You are My Sunshine, My only Sunshine'
(Be prepared to get watery eyes!)


Like any good mother, when Karen found out that another baby was on the  way, she did what she could to help her
3-year-old son, Michael, prepare for a new sibling.


They found out that the new baby was going be a girl,
and day after day, night after night, Michael sang to his sister in mommy's tummy.


He was building a bond of love with his little sister
before he even met her.

The pregnancy progressed normally for Karen,
an active member of the Panther Creek United Methodist Church in Morristown , Tennessee

In time, the labor pains came. Soon it was every five minutes, every three, every minute. But serious complications arose during delivery and Karen found herself in hours of labor.


Would a C-section be required? Finally, after a long struggle, Michael's little sister was born. But she was in very serious condition. With a siren howling in the night, the ambulance rushed the infant to the neonatal intensive care unit at St. Mary's Hospital, Knoxville , Tennessee
The days inched by. The little girl got worse. The pediatrician had to tell the parents there is very little hope. Be prepared for the worst.

Karen and her husband contacted a local cemetery about a burial plot. They had fixed up a special room in their house for their new baby but now they found themselves having to plan for a funeral.

Michael however, kept begging his parents to let him see his sister. I want to sing to her, he kept saying.

Week two in intensive care looked as if a funeral would come before the week was over.

Michael kept nagging about singing to his sister, but kids are never allowed in Intensive Care. Karen decided to take Michael whether they liked it or not.

If he didn't see his sister right then, he may never see her alive.  She dressed him in an oversized scrub suit and marched him into ICU.  He looked like a walking laundry basket.

The head nurse recognized him as a child and bellowed,
'Get that kid out of here now. No children are allowed!'
The mother rose up strong in Karen, and the usually mild-mannered lady glared steel-eyed right into the head nurse's face, her lips a firm line.
'He is not leaving until he sings to his sister' she stated.
Then Karen towed Michael to his sister's bedside.

He gazed at the tiny infant losing the battle to live.
After a moment, he began to sing.

In the pure-hearted voice of a 3-year-old, Michael sang:

'You are my sunshine, my only sunshine,
you make me happy when skies are gray.'
Instantly the baby girl seemed to respond.
The pulse rate began to calm down and become steady.

'Keep on singing, Michael,' encouraged Karen with tears in her eyes.

'You never know, dear, how much I love you,
please don't take my sunshine away.'
As Michael sang to his sister, the baby's ragged, strained breathing became as smooth as a kitten's purr
'Keep on singing, sweetheart.'

'The other night, dear, as I lay sleeping,
I dreamed I held you in my arms'
Michael's little sister began to relax as rest,
healing rest, seemed to sweep over her.

'Keep on singing, Michael.'
Tears had now conquered the face of the bossy head nurse.
Karen glowed.

'You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.
Please don't take my sunshine away.'

The next day...the very next day.
the little girl was well enough to go home

Woman's Day Magazine called it
The Miracle of a Brother's Song.

The medical staff just called it a miracle.

Karen called it a miracle of God's love.

NEVER GIVE UP ON THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE.

LOVE IS SO INCREDIBLY POWERFUL.

Life is good.

Have a Wonderful Day!

Pass this all whom you know let miracle comes to their life's    

In God We Trust!

'The evidence of God's presence far outweighs the proof of His absence.'

The Art of Appraisal

The Art of Appraisal

Big Boss: This year your performance was good, excellent and outstanding. So, your rating is "average".

Kumar: What? How come 'average'?

Big Boss: Because...err...uhh...you lack domain knowledge.

Kumar: But last year you said I am a domain expert and you put me in this project as a domain consultant.

Big Boss: Oh is it? Well, in that case, I think your domain knowledge has eroded this year.

Kumar: What???

Big Boss: Yes, I didn't see you sharing knowledge on Purchasing domain.

Kumar: Why would I? Because I am not in Purchasing, I am in Manufacturing.

Big Boss: This is what I don't like about you. You give excuse for everything.

Kumar: Huh? *Confused*

Big Boss: Next, you need to improve your communication skills.

Kumar: Like what? I am the one who trained the team on "Business Communication", you sat in the audience and took notes, you remember?

Big Boss: Oh is it? Errr...well..I mean, you need to improve your Social Pragmatic Affirmative Communication.

Kumar: Huh? What the hell is that? *Confused*

Big Boss: See! That's why you need to learn about it.

Kumar: *head spinning*

Big Boss: Next, you need to sharpen your recruiting skills. All the guys you recruited left within 2 months.

Kumar: Well, not my mistake. You told them you will sit beside them and review their code, and most resigned the next day itself. Couple of them even attempted suicide.

Big Boss:*stunned* (recovers from shock) Err...anyway, I tried to give you a better rating, but our Normalization process gave you only 'average'.

Kumar: Last year that process gave me 'excellent'. This year just 'average'? Why is this process pushing me up and down every year?

Big Boss: That's a complicated process. You don't want to hear.

Kumar: I'll try to understand. Go ahead.

Big Boss: Well, we gather in a large room, write down the names of sub-ordinates in bits of paper, and throw them up in the air. Whichever lands on the floor gets 'average', whichever lands on table gets 'good', whichever we manage to catch gets 'excellent' and whichever gets stuck to ceiling gets 'outstanding'.

Kumar: (eyes popping out) What? Ridiculous! So who gets 'poor' rating?

Big Boss: Those are the ones we forget to write down.

Kumar: What the hell! And how can paper bits stick to ceiling for 'outstanding'?

Big Boss: Oh no, now you have started questioning our 20 year old organizational process!

Kumar: *faints*
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