Very nice story - Don't Miss to Read it!!!

An elderly man in Mumbai calls his son in New York and says,
'I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 35 years of marriage... and that much misery is enough!'
'Dad, what are you talking about?' the son screams.
'We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,' the old man says.
'We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Hong Kong and tell her!'
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.
'Like heck they're getting divorced,' she shouts, 'I'll take care of this.'
She calls Mumbai immediately, and screams at the old man, 'You are not getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then , don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR??' and she hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. 'Okay', he says, 'It's all set. They're both coming for our anniversary and paying their own airfare!!'


MORAL:
No man / woman is busy in this world all 365 days.
The sky is not going to fall down if you take few days LEAVE and meet your dear ones.
OFFICE WORK IS NOT EVERYTHING IN LIFE and MONEY MAKING IS NOT EVERYTHING IN LIFE.

Subject: A,B,C .............

A for apple.
B for bada apple.
C for chhota apple.
D for dusra apple.
E for ek aur apple.
F for fokat ka apple.
G for gol apple.
H for hazar appleI for itney saarey apple?
J for jaao nahi khaana hai apple
K for kaise nahi khaayengey apple
L for lena padhega tumko apple
M for mujhe nahi chahiye itne apple
N for naa nahi kehtey kyunkey yeh hai apple
O for Oh to tumne khaa daale yeh saare apple
P for peth bhar Ke khaao apple
Q for qismat mein nahi hoti hai sabke, yeh apple
R for roz agar khaao tum apple
S for sehetmand rahoge khaaogey agar tum apple
T for tumko nahi milengey itney achey apple
U for udhaar kii nahi hai yeh apple
V for very tasty hai yeh apple
W for waste na karo time aur khaao jaldi se apple
X for X'mas mei bhii khane padenge apple
Y for youn na chehra phero dekhkey apple
Z for zaroor dil bhar gaya hoga khake itne saare apple

The Pretty Lady

Once upon a time a big monk and a little monk were traveling together. They came to the bank of a river and found the bridge was damaged. They had to wade across the river. There was a pretty lady who was stuck at the damaged bridge and couldn't cross the river. The big monk offered to carry her across the river on his back. The lady accepted. The little monk was shocked by the move of the big monk. "How can big brother carry a lady when we are supposed to avoid all intimacy with females?" thought the little monk. But he kept quiet. The big monk carried the lady across the river and the small monk followed unhappily. When they crossed the river, the big monk let the lady down and they parted ways with her.
All along the way for several miles, the little monk was very unhappy with the act of the big monk. He was making up all kinds of acussations about big monk in his head. This got him madder and madder. But he still kept quiet. And the big monk had no inclination to explain his situation. Finally, at a rest point many hours later, the little monk could not stand it any further, he burst out angrily at the big monk. "How can you claim yourself a devout monk, when you seize the first opportunity to touch a female, especially when she is very pretty? All your teachings to me make you a big hypocrite The big monk looked surprised and said, "I had put down the pretty lady at the river bank many hours ago, how come you are still carrying her along?"
[This very old Chinese Zen story reflects the thinking of many people today. We encounter many unpleasant things in our life, they irritate us and they make us angry. Sometimes, they cause us a lot of hurt, sometimes they cause us to be bitter or jealous .. But like the little monk, we are not willing to let them go away.We keep on carrying the baggage of the "pretty lady" with us. We let them keep on coming back to hurt us, make us angry, make us bitter and cause us a lot of agony.Why? Simply because we are not willing to put down or let go of the baggage of the "pretty lady". We should let go of the pretty lady immediately after crossing the river, that is after the unpleasant event is over.This will immediately remove all our agonies.There is no need to be further hurt by the unpleasant event after it is over.]

Jokes on Laloo, the great

Laloo at Bar

At a bar in New York, the man to Laloo's left tells the bartender, "JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE."
And the man's companion says, "JACK DANIELS, SINGLE." The bartender approaches Lalooand asks, "AND YOU, SIR?"

Laloo replies: "LALOO YADAV, MARRIED."


Laloo as Model

After having resigned as the CM of Bihar, Laloo decides to go modelling.Once he enters the herd of buffaloes and resting his elbows on the back of the cattle he poses for the photo.

Next day the photo appears front page of a newspaper. GUESS THE CAPTION !! Laloo, third from left!

Laloo's Clock

Rabri Devi died and went to heaven (Don't Laugh). As she stood in front of yamraj , she saw a huge wall of clocks behind.

She asked, "What are all those clocks?"

Yamraj answered, "Those are lie Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a LieClock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move.

" "Oh," said Rabri, "Who's clock is that?"

That's Gautam Buddha's. The hands have never moved indicating that he never told a lie."And whose clock is that?"

That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved twice, telling us that Abraham only told 2 lies in his entire life."

Rabri asked, "Where's my Laloo's clock?"

"Laloo's clock is in my office", replied yamraj, "I'm using it as a ceiling fan.


Wait or Weight

Once Laloo was coming out of Airport. As there was huge rush the security guard told Laloo "WAIT PLEASE" for which Laloo replied "65Kgs" and moved on...


Laloo's Family Planning Policy

Laloos family planning policy.."DONT HAVE MORE THAN TWO CHILDREN IN ONE YEAR"

True story.

After 2 years of selfless service, a man realized that he has not been promoted, no transfer, no salary increment, no commendation. So he decided to walk up to his HR Manager. His manager looked at him, smiled and asked him to sit down saying: "My friend you have not worked here for even a single day." The man was surprised to hear this, but the manager went on to explain.
Manager:
How many days are there in a year?
Man:

365 days and sometimes 366.
Manager:

How many hours make up a day?
Man:

24 Hours.
Manager:

How long do u work in a day?
Man:

10am to 6pm i.e 8 hours a day.
Manager:

So, what fraction of the day do u work in hours?
Man:

He did some arithmetic and said 8/24 i.e 1/3 (one third).
Manager:

This is nice of u! what is 1/3rd of 366 days?
Man:

122(1/3 x 366=122 in days)
Manager:

Do u come to work on weekends?
Man:

No sir.
Manager:

How many days r there in a year that r weekends?
Man:

52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equals to 104 days.
Manager:

Thanks for that. If u remove 104 days from 122 days. how many days do u now have?
Man:

18 days.
Manager:

I do give u 2 weeks sick leave every year. Now remove that 14 days from the 18 days left. How many days do u have remaining?
Man:

4 days.
Manager:

Do u work on Republic Day?
Man:

No sir!
Manager:

Do u come to work on Independence Day?
Man:

No sir!
Manager:

So how many days r left?
Man:

2 days Sir!
Manager:

Do u come to work on New Years Day?
Man:

No sir!
Manager:

So how many days r left?
Man:

1 day sir!
Manager:

Do u work on Christmas Day?
Man:

No Sir!
Manager:

So how many days r left?
Man:

None Sir!
Manager:

So what r u claiming?
Man:

!!!...

Moral-NEVER GO TO HR FOR HELP!!!


HR= HIGH RISK .

TENSION (Parody in Indian Phonetics)

Ladki ne aapse lift mangi,
Raste me uski tabiyat kaharab ho gai.
Aapko TENSION !!
Aap use hospital le gaye,
Doctor bola – aap baap banne wale ho
Aapko TENSION !!
Aap bole – Mai iske bacche ka baap nahi !
Phir ladki se pucha
Ladki boli – yehi baap hai.
Aapko aur TENSION.
Phir police ayi
Aapka medical check up hua.
Report aayi.
Aap to kabhi baap hi nahi ban sakte.
Aapko aur TENSION !!
Aap ne khuda ka shukar ada kiya aur aap Khushi Khushi ghar gaye !
Aur phir socha Ki ghar pe jo bachchay hai
Wo kiske hai…????????
Aapko Phir TENSION !!!!!!

The Bathtub Test

The Bathtub Test
During a visit to the mental hospital, I asked the Director 'How do you determine whether or not a patient should be admitted to the hospital.'

'Well,' said the Director, 'we fill up a bathtub, then we give a
teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him to empty the bathtub.'

'Oh, I understand,' I said. 'A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup.'

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'No.' said the Director, 'A normal person would pull the drain plug. Well....... Do you want a bed near the window?'