Life Positive and More

----------------------------------- 1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 5:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing. 2. If it's really a "rush job," run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it's going. That helps. 3. Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are. 4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books or supplies, don't open the door for me. I need to learn how to perform miracles routinely and opening doors with my teeth is excellent training. 5. If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is the priority. Let me guess. 6. Do your best to keep me late. I like the office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. 7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. Leaks like that could cost me a promotion. 8. If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name...

1. Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental! 2. Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion? 3. As an outsider, what do you think of the human race? 4. I'd like to kick you in the teeth, but why should I improve your looks? 5. At least there's one Thing good about your body.It isn't as ugly as your face! 6. Brains aren't everything. In fact, in your case they're nothing. 7. Careful now, don't let your brains go to your head! 8. I like you. People say I've no taste, but I like you. 9. Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home? 10. If I had a face like yours. I'd sue my parents! 11. Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent! 12. Don't get insulted, but is your job devoted to spreading Ignorance? 13. Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent! 14. Don't you love nature, despite what it did to you? 15. Don't think, it may sprain yo...

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods। She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap। The frog told her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes।" The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes। Whatever you wish for, your husband will get it ten times!" The woman said, "That's okay।" For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world। The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to"। The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me।" So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world! For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world। The frog said, "That will ...

LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now। ********** LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one।********** LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch।********** LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner। ********** LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire।********** BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings।********** LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with।********** LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will! ********** LAW...